The universe is my own personal genie.
We’ve developed a trust.
Her voice comes thru my subconscious like a mother.
She guides me, advises me, and intuitively knows me,
down to the deepest realms of my DNA.
I first heard her when I was 4, as I’ve written about in past blogs.
I wrote her off as an inner dialogue.
(We all have an inner dialogue right?)

Well, up until recently, I’ve made some pretty shitty choices.
I’ve ignored lessons presented to me over and over again.
I’ve chosen anger over understanding.
I’ve chosen giving up over trying harder.
I’ve chosen to stay and wallow over getting myself out of a dark place.

My universal genie couldn’t do anything but shake her head sadly when she looked down and saw me constantly getting in my own way.
She knew there was more to life than anything I had previously been taught, and deep down I knew it too.

Life continued to try to teach me how to ‘let go‘ and ‘let god‘ and I just wasn’t getting it.

I clung to awful people that served as bandaids for pain caused by moments when I simply didn’t want to stand up and face life the way I needed to.

I allowed others to dictate my level of happiness and security.
I held on with so much grip that eventually I developed extreme anxiety.

Eventually, simple tasks such as going to the grocery store became difficult for me.
Each passing day brought heavier feelings of dread and depression.
The people around me were telling me I “should be happy”, but I just couldn’t shake the sinking feeling that something was very, very wrong.

I was not going to where my genie knew I would bloom.

I was walking down a dark path where I might never have found a way out of the mess.

My genie watched as I continued to bury myself.

She couldn’t interfere.

She couldn’t poof me into the correct reality.

Although genies cannot mess with a persons free will, they can provide the inner voice that gently eases you out of the woods until a tiny shred of light can be seen, leading you away from the dark once and for all.

A big part of this is you being open enough to listen.

This intuitive guidance eventually blossomed into the realization that I’m worth more than what the cards are showing me at this particular table.

I realized I can get up and go sit at another table where people are winning.

Call it common sense if you want, but when you’re preprogrammed to see yourself as worthless, that frequency of thinking is what you become later in life.

You’re worthless right?
Why should you have money?
Why should you have a nice house?
Why should you have a job that pays you enough to survive?
Why should you have a partner that treats you with respect and love?
Why should you have friends that help you rather than hurt you?

You shouldn’t.
You’re worthless, right?

WRONG.

It’s been a turbulent journey learning that I’m not worthless.
Learning to take up space unapologetically on this earth.
Learning to let go of everything that doesn’t bring me absolute joy.
Learning to stop saying sorry for things when I did nothing wrong.

Honestly, when I stopped apologizing, when I put me first, that’s when things really shifted.
That’s when meek and angry turned into powerful and strong.
That’s when 80% of the people I spent my days with, fell off.

That’s when I was stripped of everything I had, and began walking towards this dream I’m living in right now.

When I learned to proudly stand up and take my spot on the roster for this school we call planet Earth, my dreams bled into my reality, and I quantum fucking leapt into my current life.

Finally, my universe genie is smiling down at me.
I could feel her let out a sigh of relief as I took the first step towards the reality I deserve.

It’s been over a year since I ran from my abusive ex fiancé, lost my job, & started a new life.

After living thru that trauma,
I’ve become hyper aware of how temporary everything is.
For this reason,
I try to be entirely present each day knowing the level of pain, anguish, and heartache it took to get here.

I will not, and have not taken one single day for granted.

Since I’m finally on the cusp of my true destiny, I feel a major shift in my universe too.

Rather than a feeling of being guided and held, I feel empowered and steady. (most days)
Like the universe is conspiring to give me the tools to achieve everything I ever dreamt of in this lifetime, so when opportunities manifest, I’ll know exactly what to do.

I like to think that my genie now sees me as her little baby bird leaving the nest of divinity and flying on my own.

Synchronistic side note; mother nature decided to give me a visual representation of this outside my bedroom window.

I observed these little beings live out their entire life cycle together, from eggs to full blown birds.
Mate, nest, have babies, raise those babies, give the babies the protection and the skills they’ll need to survive in the wild…
One by one these tiny little baby birds lept out of their comfy cozy nest and into the unknown, until one day the nest was empty.

As I watched mother nature demonstrate her magic outside my window,
I couldn’t help but see my past self in those helpless teeny tiny baby birds.
I felt like the last two or three years of my life were my genies way of babying me into this new chapter.

Once she saw I was catching on, she pushed me out of my old life, let me find my wings, and start anew.

I think she’s happy with the lesser work load.
She’s been granting quite a few wishes lately.
Wishes I’d had locked away in the recesses of my mind.

A gentle, loving partner? Granted.
A beautiful spacious home on acres of land in a quiet sleepy mountain town? Granted.
Living my dream of being a pilot? Granted.
Currently manifesting… building my empire. (patiently waiting on this one for a little longer)

It’s weird to be so excited for the future.
I have a zillion things to be happy about.

My confidence is back.
My trust in myself has never been stronger.

I’m the softest, yet the most ruthless I have ever been.
Inner work and a deeper understanding of myself changed absolutely everything.

I can’t believe that there was a point in time where I thought it was never going to be this good.

All that being said, this isn’t meant to imply that I’m living a perfect life, because I’m not.
Things are stressful right now.
But I’m choosing to keep things steady.

Much like in piloting, we must first Aviate (fly the airplane), then Navigate and Communicate.

First I must get out of bed, brush my teeth, wash my face, and show up for the day.
Then I can go forth and move through my day as I see fit.
If I want to curl up and sleep reset, I will.
If I want to spend the day in the sun with my puppies, I will.
If I want to become a jet pilot, I will.
If I want to build an empire, I will.
If I want to live the most fulfilling life possible, I fucking will.

After all,

WE GET TO CHOOSE,
IT’S FREE WILL, BABY.