33 things I’ve learned in 33 years;

1. My mind is a powerful thing.
2. Thoughts and emotions can be acknowledged, then let go.
3. Work with and surround yourself by people who excite you.
4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
5. Do not make excuses to keep people in your life who don’t deserve a part in your movie.
6. Find a man who treats you better than you treat yourself at your highest level.
7. Spend as much time with your family as you can while you have them.
8. Therapy is transformative.
9. Do not trust everything you hear.
10. Do not over-share.
11. Do not apologize if you didn’t do anything wrong.
12. Good still exists in the world, be that good and perpetuate it.
13. Never, ever waste time with people who sit around trash talking others.
14. Explore as much as you can.
15. You get what you give.
16. What people think about you is irrelevant.
17. Be yourself, even if you stand alone.
18. Try your best to experience as many ‘firsts’ as possible.
19. Be nice to your body, it’s literally keeping you alive.
20. Cherish the friendships you’re cultivating right now.
21. Be grateful. Every single day.
22. The past is irrelevant.
23. Never rely on anyone to make your life better.
24. Create vision boards.
25. Embrace nature, she will heal you from the inside out.
26. Allow life to make you softer, not harder.
27. Listen to your heart, and your intuition. They are guiding you.
28. Everyone teaches us something, pay attention.
29. My parents tried their best.
30. Never derail your dreams for someone else’s.
31. Stop comparing yourself to others.
32. I am way more intelligent than any teacher or mentor ever gave me credit for.
33. Don’t take life too seriously.

The last 2 months have been a living dream.
I wake up every day in disbelief until my brain boots up and recognizes the situation.
The hell I walked thru for what felt like a lifetime finally dissipated into a reality that I could literally only imagine in my dreams.

Flying, working a few days a week, ideal schedule, awesome people around me, a new house, a beautiful vacation, a loving & supportive partner, financial freedom, waking up with the sun pouring into my room, being showered with affection, (& diamonds)…
I used to dream about waking up everyday in a life like this. I used to wish on every star I saw that one day things would start to feel better; more aligned with what I truly wanted.

I wished and dreamed until this reality became mine.
I later realized…
(it was always mine)

Robbie and I had a beautiful Christmas in our new home.
I got everything I wanted and more on that day.
A delicious Christmas dinner, a fire going in the fireplace, and a Christmas movie marathon on tv.
I’ll never forget those espresso martini-fueled nights leading up to Christmas Eve.

Unpacking, organizing and cleaning.

We stayed up all night long for three days straight settling into our new reality,
the excitement was too overwhelming to sleep.
Every now and then we’d stop for a minute to look at each other in awe of what we had just begun to build together.

The house feels more and more like ours every day.
Since those first photos were taken, we’ve been busy with renovations.
A fresh new coat of paint, kitchen updates, setting up our home gym, planning our backyard resort.
We both want to live our next 15-20 years here together.
Finding that security within another person is scary, but also incredibly invigorating.

Growing up the way I did, (not that I was raised on the streets or anything) was drastically different than this life.
My mother was a single mom who worked three jobs.
I’d go to school and get bounced from one neighbor’s house to the next until she was home.
She would come home so exhausted that she’d go to bed for an hour or two, wake up to cook dinner, then go back to bed.
Five or six days a week she’d be out of the house from 8 in the morning to sometimes 7 or 8 at night.
All that and we were still broke.

I vividly remember how I felt as a young girl, growing up comparing myself to all the other girls in my grade. Wishing my life was better. A parent being home after school. Someone to ask about my day, someone to help with my homework.
I wasn’t able to join a sports team because it was very expensive and my mom had no time to shuffle me back and fourth to games and practices.
Besides that, frankly I sucked at every sport I tried.
I tried to join clubs but then I’d miss the late bus and have to wait for my mom to pick me up after one of her three shifts for the day.
I didn’t have one of those moms who was always excited to see me.
If she was inconvenienced by me, she was even less enthusiastic if you can imagine a level down from non-existent.

“Life isn’t easy kid”

I heard about how hard life is so often growing up that I wholeheartedly believed that to be the one and only truth.
I remember looking out the car window as my mom would drive me to my Grammy’s house.
I wondered why life had to be so hard.
I wasn’t taught that there was another window I could look out of.
Maybe I could turn my head and see something different.
(I’m using the car window metaphorically here)
I wasn’t taught about perspectives, and how there can be a zillion different ones to observe.
Being able to observe different perspectives is an absolute gift and will help you immensely throughout your life.
A life that can be hard at times, but the general feeling is not desperation..
rather excitement and optimism.
If I’m ever lucky enough to be a mom, I will teach my child that life lesson as soon as they’re old enough to understand what I’m saying to them.

Life isn’t hard. Life is what you make it. The choice is yours.

Often I find myself wondering how life would look for me had I experienced a slightly different upbringing.
I realized that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be and I learned the exact lessons I was supposed to learn.
I trust the universe 100% now, and every time something happens that isn’t in my favor, I stop and think about the potential “why” and the potential for something so much better coming in place of the negative.

If you find yourself asking “why me?”, get comfortable with the idea that you might never get the answer you want.
You might never get an answer at all.
But when you start to pay attention, not to the “me“, but to the “why“, clarity will present itself in the way of creating space for things that ignite your heart.

How can you hold space for all the good that the future has in store for you, while you’re also holding space for the bad that the past refuses to let you forget?
Let go of it.
Maybe in the moment, clarity will be impossible to see.
Maybe in the moment all you’ll see is loss, failure, or life being “hard” on you just because that’s how it is.
Let go.
Allow yourself to be guided to shore rather than fight for your life thru the currents and waves every second of every day to try to get there on your own.
Trust. Everything will work out as it’s supposed to.

If I could somehow show my current reality to my high school self, she’d be screaming.
Maybe she wouldn’t have contemplated suicide so often.
Maybe she wouldn’t have begged to be home-schooled because the bullying got so bad.
Maybe she wouldn’t have grown up angry and hurt.
Maybe she wouldn’t have sought out the worst of the worst partners for herself.
Maybe she wouldn’t have so much scar tissue right now.
But maybe, just maybe, she was meant to live thru all of it.

For me, the “why” here is to help others realize that life isn’t supposed to be hard.
Can it be hard? Of course. Is it all bad? Absolutely not.

What I now have is the ability to raise children who are more than prepared for life.
Children that will create a wave of new mindsets, children that will teach others to embrace life’s ease instead of it’s hardships.

The main takeaway from 33 years on earth is that I am so grateful for every single day I’m given.
I will never take my life for granted.
I will never take my partner for granted.
I will never take my family or my friends for granted.
I will never take the roof over my head and the food in my fridge for granted.
I’m so hyper aware of how temporary everything is, that I find it silly to become attached to any one reality.. any one idea of how life is supposed to be lived.

Life is infinitely abundant.
Life is meant to be lived in what ever way feels right.
Go live it up until your own life excites you so much that you think about it during the day and smile to yourself because you hold the key now.
You’re the captain, the pilot, the commander..
You are infinite.
The universe will guide and protect you like a grandparent would, just listen.
Do the inner work necessary to show up everyday a little bit better than you showed up yesterday.

Inner work is very important in order to keep growing.
If you never sit with yourself and really listen to your deepest darkest thoughts and desires, I can guarantee that you will relive the same patterns until you make a conscious choice to do better.
To show up better.
To take accountability for your wrong doings.
To treat others with respect and love, as you would treat yourself.
To perpetuate peace and humanity, not destruction and narcissism.

After 33 years, I have realized that
magic does exist in this world, all around us.
Be open to it, and close off any and all pathways to negativity, toxic people, undiagnosed men, situations that make you uncomfortable… none of that belongs to you anymore.

This is your bloom era.
As the Spring bleeds in to end the long, cold winter,
I release the poison from my past into the universe to be dissipated and expelled from my life.
I welcome love, light, strength, abundance, success, and peace.

I am ready.
I am infinite.
I am.