You know that moment of clarity where the clouds start to dissipate and everything feels new again?
A feeling of lightness comes back into your soul and things don’t seem too heavy to bear anymore.
It’s easy to look back and understand everything that happened and why, once you’re on the other side.
It’s not easy to look at the reality of that situation and realize how delusional you were the entire time.

“When you want something, the whole universe conspires in order for you to achieve it”
-The Alchemist

It’s not easy to accept the deeper understanding of what actually transpired once the rose-colored glasses are removed, the trauma has dulled, and enough time has passed where you’re finally able to see clearly.

It’s all so abundantly clear to me now.
None of my past was truly meant for me.
I had been living in the shadow of someone else’s life.
A life that they had built with someone else.
A life built according to whatever they saw for themselves before I was a part of it.
Looking back, I wouldn’t have chosen any of that for myself.
I just decided to step into whatever role there was available for me at the time within that person’s life.
I chose to ignore my own plans, dreams, ambitions… I was blinded.
Then one day,
the universe conspired to rip me out of that situation permanently.
And it succeeded.

I’m constantly reminded of how absolutely temporary everything is, but after living thru the past year, that knowledge hits different.

Nothing really bothers me anymore.
I’m at a point of peace and softness.
I’m at a point where I’m excited for tomorrow.
I’m painting and creating again.
I’m booking trips, going places, trying things, meeting people.

I almost feel like I died and was reborn into this new life where good things are happening all the time and there’s always something to be excited about.

I learned to value myself above all else.
Like really value myself.. we went deep this past summer.
Like Mariana Trench deep.
But when I truly started to live by the rule of ‘my feelings matter first’, inevitably, I lost a few people.
This made me feel all the more sad and isolated.
And, of course I morned the loss of those friendships and relationships.

Although this period in time was incredibly rough at first,
something amazing started happening when I put myself & my feelings before anyone else’s’.
Along with repelling people who didn’t have my best interest in mind from the rip,
I also began attracting people who did.

Whether these people have been in my life for a long time and we’ve gotten to connect more over the last few months, or whether they’re new in my life and we’re building our trust and connection currently, it all feels so good.
When I think about living my life without certain people who I know now, but didn’t know before, I can’t fathom not knowing them moving forward… if that makes sense.
I suppose at one point or another I felt that way about everyone that’s ever been important to me..
until one day when I didn’t.

The silver lining here; now I know how absolutely priceless these connections are.

Never would I ever jeopardize anything so genuine.
I’d like to think I know enough about people’s behaviors to be able to determine who’s “good or bad” for me. After living thru so many traumatic breakups, if I’m honest with myself…
I am too quick to trust people.
I want to believe they are good deep down, but I’m often reminded how naive I am for thinking that.

I switched my mindset from “innocent until proven guilty” to “guilty until proven innocent”

That sounds pessimistic and extreme, I know..
but all I really mean by this is that trust shouldn’t be blindly given away for nothing.
Trust should be earned over a period of time, when someone shows they are deserving of it.
The truth you’ll find is that not many people are, and when you find someone who is genuinely deserving of your trust, hold onto them.
They are a diamond in the rough.

A few weeks ago while I was on Long Beach Island for my dog’s annual birthday trip, I grabbed an iced coffee and walked into one of my favorite shops.
The shop is called “Firefly”

I was wandering around, admiring all the local art pieces when I looked down onto a display table and something caught my eye.

A minimalist sketch of a flower attached to a small brown piece of construction paper with a quote on it by Anais Nin that reads
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

I picked it up and read it again.

This is a black and white example of the universe speaking directly to me.

‘One day’ is today, and tomorrow, and the next day.

As I said in a past post, a rose cannot bloom on a battlefield.
Once you take that wilted bud and replant it somewhere healthy,
with plenty of sun, water and love,
only then does it show you its full potential.

Only then can the rose bloom as it should.

It feels good to bloom again.

I’m striving for peace at this stage in my life.
Anyone who disturbs that peace will simply not be a part of my life anymore.

I’m hyper-focused on flying, creating, expanding, traveling…
I’m going to level up in the next year.

This will be the year I become a pilot.
This will be the year I buy a home I can grow into.
This will be the year I buy an airplane that will allow me the freedom to go anywhere I want, anytime.
This will be the year I travel as much as work will allow.
This will be the year of my dreams.
This will be the year my life becomes everything it was supposed to become in the first place.

With my puppy, my family, and my people standing by me,
confidently in myself, I go into the next phase of my life…

Abundant, fulfilled, thriving, loved, supported,
and grateful as fuck for every minute.